Hit by the Meal Train

After receiving my diagnosis, I went into two very conflicting modes. The first I dubbed "Cancer Nesting." The second was good, ol' denial.

I went full-force into doing all the things I wanted done in my house and for my kids before I started getting sick. I still have a long way to go, but I took loads of clothing and goods to donation places, made phonecall after phonecall to line things up, went shopping for a couple of things to make life easier, made lists of things I didn't want to forget. I went into frantic mode about finding headware to fit my child-size head (we are limited in my hat size. REAL limited. And I was also being picky.) I didn't/couldn't sleep thinking about all the tasks I wanted to get done.

On the completely opposite end of the spectrum, I was denying that I would even get to the point where I would have to worry about needing all these things. Other people wouldn't see me as sick. I could handle this within my immediate family and all would be good. I knew all along this wasn't realistic, but I wasn't willing to go there yet. My friends and family were doing their best to gently prepare and organize around me too. That included organizing a Meal Train, which I did know, even from one chemo, would be incredibly helpful. It's a total guess from one minute to the next what will sound feasible for me to eat, if at all, and keep me hydrated. But my family still has to eat like normal humans, and I can't make it for them.

However, that was DIFFICULT. Truthfully, maybe the hardest part of the journey yet for me, aside from having to tell my kids. I knew it was coming, but seeing my face and my family on that link was heart-shattering. I called my sister and my mom bawling. I couldn't help but feel guilty about people giving me money or gift cards when I knew that wasn't a concern for us yet. They talked me down about how everyone just wants to help, how it's not about the money - it's about the caring. About wanting to do that and how one of the best ways we do that is food. Deep down I know that. I appreciate all of you, and I continue to be astounded by how generous you are. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.